I went to Vermont, today, with my grandparents and my sister. For the most part it was great; albeit kind of awkward, but was better than wasting my day in the house again.

However, there was a large period of time in which I was surrounded by people. I’m usually okay around SOME people, as long as I don’t talk to them, but a LOT of people make me so Goddamn nervous, and I always end up having a breakdown and crying in front of everyone.

I am pretty good at hiding it until I can get somewhere to be alone and calm down for a while, and I took my bag and my ukulele and went outside. I wasn’t alone long, though. My uncle Kevin (he’s the coolest, oh my jeez) came outside with his guitar and asked me what was wrong. I told him, and he sat down with me and just started playing a tune, so I started playing my ukulele along with him, awfully, but, I’ve only had it for four days, I’m still working on it. I was really self-conscious at first, but he taught me a bunch of things to work on, and ended up making me feel so much better than I had when I left the crowd. I really adore this man.

Anyway, after the breakdown, I didn’t fully recover until much later, when I had been back with just my grandparents and my sister for a while. I really hate that I can’t keep it together with people. I wish I could just talk to them, like everybody else seems to be able to be able to do so effortlessly. It makes me feel like shit knowing that simple a task can so easily reduce me to nothing but tears and violent shaking.

On an entirely different note, Vermont is beautiful. So many vibrant trees, pretty little houses, farms everywhere. If I weren't so tired of living in such a rural area, I'd love it there.

- Kaye